Me against the World

Fine, I admit it. 

I.

Am.

A.

Loser.

*sigh*

 

I am fifteen years young and i dont have a best friend. I dont know my true friends. I can’t talk to anyone about everything I feel. Or even some parts of it. I feel so alone and unwanted. This is not what I want. I am not happy. I feel like I wasted my life. Wasted my childhood. And wasted my fifteen years of existence.

Why? Why do I feel this way? I dont want to feel this way. I used to be a happy go lucky kid. I changed schools and I felt how bad it was to be left alone. And I learned my lesson. Yes. Although, because of this realization, I have gone matured. Too matured. I overthink things way way too deep. I guess im an optimist. But no. I just.. I feel like its not that. Honestly speaking, im a really sensitive person. Just the slightest things and Im all ‘not in the mood’ state.I really hate it when im forgotten. Especially those who had the intention to forget me. Just because youre alot more popular now? This is one of the reasons why Im so bipolar. Im sorry. To anyone who ever read this and know its me typing and expressing. Well, im sorry..

Its just that.. I dont want to have friend problems. I feel like Im the only one with friend problems. Until now.. Okay im not the only one, but like, theres a few thousands who has. Im such a loser. I really am. I might be tough on the outside… but inside im soft. Because there is no one to protect me. I feel so unsafe in life. So lonely. Forever wandering and wondering. All on my own. Me against the world. 

Please. I dont want it this way. I dont… 

I just. I want somebody to save me. To not leave me. So far, everyone who I have labelled on as my happy pill. Well, they all left. Why? 

Am I this hard? I am such a wreck. And yes I am crying right now. And yes, no one cares.