Up There

So our dog died just last night. And we were terribly weeping. The memories and regrets was played a thousand times in our head. (well, in my mind)

I loved our dog. She was our second dog. We had a dog before but I was young and I don’t really remember anything. I was afraid of dogs and so I tried to avoid our first dog.

But with Muffins, our second dog, my phobia faded. I knew how to handle dogs. And muffins is with no doubt, the best dog ever. She was tame, sweet, gentle and brave. And so it killed me to use the word ‘was’. I loved her but I had to be strong for the family. If I cry, surely this would be a domino situation.

What I just can’t forget is the memory of her being buried on the ground. I took a flower from our vase and placed it on her grave. I wanted her to be buried peacefully and beautifully atleast. The sight of her being wrapped in a blanket and placed with worms.. I just can’t. She can sleep in my bed for all I care.

What I’m regretting is that.. I wished I payed more attention to her. I wished we continuously took her on trips, and ran with her on the park, and scratched her tummy. Because now… We can never do that. We can just imagine it, and get teary eyed. I wished it didn’t end this way. I’d rather she died of old age than this accident. I can’t bear this plate for such a short notice. I wished we knew, so we could’ve prepared. We could’ve gave her her last good days. I wished I gave her a treat or a hug whenever I came home. I am terribly regretting. For being such a terrible sitter.

But maybe she is better off in the heavens. Because up there, she has friends, and she will be taken care of. She would be with her parents most probably, and be with God ofcourse. I hope she does go straight up to the heavens and just fade and wander. I love her so much she just has to have the best.

Anyway, all I’m saying is that.. Guys, when the day comes, you will feel sad, angry, depressed, but try not to feel regrets. Please show them how much you love them. So you’ll never wished you could give them your time when it’s already too late. Because a hanky can’t heal you.

And it kind of terrifies me. The sight of how terribly affected we are for a pet to pass away. What if.. You know what. How can we go on with our lives? I am so scared. Now I understand why some people after seeing their loved ones dying, commit suicide or suffer from depression. Especially if everyone was robbed from them. It’s just… How can you even walk down the street seeing happy families and everything. I can’t an don’t even want to imagine 😦

I am terribly sorry for anyone who has ever lost anyone. Please stay strong for me. Prove me wrong.