When You Lost the Best

When you say, she’s your bestfriend, is it because she’s always there for you through good days, and heartbreaking ones? Does she know what to say at exactly the right moment when you’re down? Is she always on your side at fights? And always infront of you to protect you? Do you do silly things with her and always feel all right? Would never leave you even when there’s a boy at sight? No? Sorry for the term. But thats just bullsht. 

You can never find a friend as perfect as that. As the same that you can’t find a man as perfect as that. Although, if you seek perfection, you can never find a bestfriend or a man. Because you ain’t living in reality. How confusing. How heartbreaking.

Last school year, someone has passed most of my standards for a bestfriend. I never thought of her that way, never expected. But she won my cold heart over. 

We started off as awkward friends. I came with her after classes because we went on same ways. She taught me how to ride jeepneys, lrts, taught me ways and directions. After all that, she started telling me about her crushes, and I was against them. Which was really funny. Thats why we started being close.

Just a day before her birthday, she told me she treated me like a bestfriend. I just smiled. But she got me thinking about those words for the whole night. That was why I bought her a cake for her birthday on the last minute. I realized then that my prayers were granted. The Lord had given me what I had always wanted. A bestfriend. I was beyond glad than I ever was. If only she knew.

Days, weeks and months passed. We were inseperable. We were beyond weird. We had inside jokes only us could understand. We hated the same people. We loved the same. We both didn’t like one direction. We craved for the same activities. Biking.. etc. I love her. As a friend okay? But really I did.

But then things started going down for us.. on my birthday. We attended a party. I wasnt much of a party girl, I dont have the looks, the body, the steps.. Anyway, I knew she didnt want to be with me that time. She made me carry my burger bag on the party. To be honest, I got hurt ’cause I kinda looked like a PA. I wasn’t wearing any heels btw. And I was freaking small. We saw our friends and got together. We didn’t talk during the whole party. It was the worst. It just ruined my night. I wish I didn’t go. Id be happier lying down in my bed, scrolling birthday messages. Regrets. I understood though. She had a bad cold, and she was sort of pissed at my other friend. But still. Best friends right?

We had alot of disagreements after that. It was because she started changing. Going all badass. And me, I started hanging out with other people But i didn’t mean to. I know I didnt. I went with other people to show her how I feel. But I couldnt resist not talking to her, so I always just ended up talking to her after. 

The atmosphere between us also started to change. It used to be only the two of us. We have now with us during hang times, my other friend. So ofcourse the vibe changed. Because my other friend wasnt part of that vibe, and those inside jokes. Im not saying I dont like my other friend, I love her, I really do. Shes been with me since forever. But its just different.So I wasnt ever able to fix things with her. It killed me. She never noticed.

I have alot more things to say, to rant about, to cry for. But my laptops going off in just a minute. Lowbatt. So I guess Ill be ending this. All I want to say is that I love her. I love my friend. I never told her that I labelled her as my best friend. Because breaking up like this, it would sound like, I lost my best friend. Rather than just I lost a friend. And hearing it, just those words, freaking hurts.

Its summer right now and I just asked her if she has no plans of seeing me. And she was sarcastic but she asked okay when. But there was a tone in her words. I know her well enough. She doesnt want to see me. I dont know why she hates me now. Maybe she just got tired of me. Maybe I should tell her, that she is my best friend. But Im scared. 

PS: Just when i was about to end this, her name popped on skype. 

-Nerr D.


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