When You Lost the Best

When you say, she’s your bestfriend, is it because she’s always there for you through good days, and heartbreaking ones? Does she know what to say at exactly the right moment when you’re down? Is she always on your side at fights? And always infront of you to protect you? Do you do silly things with her and always feel all right? Would never leave you even when there’s a boy at sight? No? Sorry for the term. But thats just bullsht. 

You can never find a friend as perfect as that. As the same that you can’t find a man as perfect as that. Although, if you seek perfection, you can never find a bestfriend or a man. Because you ain’t living in reality. How confusing. How heartbreaking.

Last school year, someone has passed most of my standards for a bestfriend. I never thought of her that way, never expected. But she won my cold heart over. 

We started off as awkward friends. I came with her after classes because we went on same ways. She taught me how to ride jeepneys, lrts, taught me ways and directions. After all that, she started telling me about her crushes, and I was against them. Which was really funny. Thats why we started being close.

Just a day before her birthday, she told me she treated me like a bestfriend. I just smiled. But she got me thinking about those words for the whole night. That was why I bought her a cake for her birthday on the last minute. I realized then that my prayers were granted. The Lord had given me what I had always wanted. A bestfriend. I was beyond glad than I ever was. If only she knew.

Days, weeks and months passed. We were inseperable. We were beyond weird. We had inside jokes only us could understand. We hated the same people. We loved the same. We both didn’t like one direction. We craved for the same activities. Biking.. etc. I love her. As a friend okay? But really I did.

But then things started going down for us.. on my birthday. We attended a party. I wasnt much of a party girl, I dont have the looks, the body, the steps.. Anyway, I knew she didnt want to be with me that time. She made me carry my burger bag on the party. To be honest, I got hurt ’cause I kinda looked like a PA. I wasn’t wearing any heels btw. And I was freaking small. We saw our friends and got together. We didn’t talk during the whole party. It was the worst. It just ruined my night. I wish I didn’t go. Id be happier lying down in my bed, scrolling birthday messages. Regrets. I understood though. She had a bad cold, and she was sort of pissed at my other friend. But still. Best friends right?

We had alot of disagreements after that. It was because she started changing. Going all badass. And me, I started hanging out with other people But i didn’t mean to. I know I didnt. I went with other people to show her how I feel. But I couldnt resist not talking to her, so I always just ended up talking to her after. 

The atmosphere between us also started to change. It used to be only the two of us. We have now with us during hang times, my other friend. So ofcourse the vibe changed. Because my other friend wasnt part of that vibe, and those inside jokes. Im not saying I dont like my other friend, I love her, I really do. Shes been with me since forever. But its just different.So I wasnt ever able to fix things with her. It killed me. She never noticed.

I have alot more things to say, to rant about, to cry for. But my laptops going off in just a minute. Lowbatt. So I guess Ill be ending this. All I want to say is that I love her. I love my friend. I never told her that I labelled her as my best friend. Because breaking up like this, it would sound like, I lost my best friend. Rather than just I lost a friend. And hearing it, just those words, freaking hurts.

Its summer right now and I just asked her if she has no plans of seeing me. And she was sarcastic but she asked okay when. But there was a tone in her words. I know her well enough. She doesnt want to see me. I dont know why she hates me now. Maybe she just got tired of me. Maybe I should tell her, that she is my best friend. But Im scared. 

PS: Just when i was about to end this, her name popped on skype. 

-Nerr D.

Prom Disaster Friendships Ruined

Minutes left before our prom, we’ ve just arrived. We were late and we were still on our casual outfits. I was wearing a checkered polo, and it seriously didn’t go with my hair. My friend I was still with wore her heels so I was just that tiny girl with the messed up hair and makeup. I was carrying two bags while my friend had on a shoulder bag and her mom carried her stuff. I was so jealous, i really wished I had my mom that moment. 

After a while, I saw my ‘bestfriend’ and she asked me what happened to me. My heart sank. We went up the hotel room and changed. And my bestfriend helped me and I loved her for that moment. But then we started rushing since we’ve still hadn’t registered. And I just wanted to cry seeing my reflection in the mirror. I was a disaster. My bangs got curly. And my hair looked like it wasn’t brushed for days. Curled hair just didn’t work for me, i realized. I looked fat in my dress, and I was way conscious of my back. My eyes were also blazing red. I looked hideous. 

We went down and had little conversation and thumbs up with people. Everyone seriously looked like superstars. There were so many transformations. My wedges were high so I atleast looked a little taller. I saw so many faces and I loved them all. My friends introduced their dates and I was surprised with my jolly mood. I used to be really shy with boys.

We entered the hall. The place looked great! But not really much of a spectaculating jaw dropping set. I first sat on my supposedly table and was having fun. But then the owner of the seat came, so I had to go to my real awkward table. Yes it was awkward because everyone had their dates, except for us three. I became good friends with the other stag girl and we were really vibes during the party. Someone told us about the table at the back with only three people sitting. And we went there to eat. Since the girls with dates on our table were just busy talking.. They seriously weren’t touching their food!!! It was soo fun! All we did was laugh. But then I got stuck with my other friend who didnt love dancing and was awkward at this kind of things. Dont get me wrong I love her, but I just wanted to have fun. Although I didnt argue, because of my heels, I couldn’t walk properly, let alone dance? So we just wandered around. After the party, the guard gave us a hard time getting out. And it was really cool because everyone was against the guard. Plans of pushing her was spread. Hahaha. 

After the party, I got pissed because my friend had no plans of getting her things on the other hotel room. We also couldnt get it because the owner was out. I was beyond pissed. I wanted to attend the after party, but i didnt want to wear this dress there. My mood slowly started going down because of that. The second strike was when my bestfriend forgot about me. Went to the party without me. Third strike was when my roommates didn’t buy me any food. Seriously, all I felt was loneliness, disappointment and sadness. I went to sofa and lied down alone, my night ruined. I was so pissed. Beware because the remaining things Ill be typing would be RANTS. from a lonely pissed off forgotten teenager who was f mad because her friends didn’t buy her food. What a pig I am. But what a friend they were. I wanted to tell them when they asked me what was wrong. But no. I couldnt tell them. SO I just ended up being a lame overnighter. My usual.

So no My night didn’t end up awesome. It sucked. And I was pissed off at everyone’s feeling cool attitude. Oh what a night.

Logging off,

Nerr D

PS: I hope no one ever experience this ever again. Don’t cry on your night.

Prom Night of Disaster

Hey everyone,
Let me tell you about my prom night, every girls’ dream, fantasy blah blah blah while me, I suffered of the thought of having to wear fitted sparkly gowns and heels that would made me walk like drunk. But of course it was a one time moment that I would never would have agree to let pass.

It happened on March. Yes, prom was held on February. Supposedly held. As usual, my school changed the date. Though no they didn’t always had their prom on March, only our batch. It’s like some sort of punishment as I see it. As you can see, my batch was the wildest most insane and would never stop talking I swear. Even the losers had a mouth with no zip. So they punish us..

But…. it was actually a good idea to move it on that date. That way we wouldn’t have insanely choose prom over our exams. I knew no one could focus for their exams because of prom. To think that we are an all girls school. And well, you know girls, they looove parties. I hated it. Not really. Hm.

Anyway, let me skip the painful parts of trying to find myself a nice thing to wear. It was really hard finding something. Because of my budget and not to mention my big tummy. It was all too hard for me. It took me about two days. Eventually, I ended up with the first dress I’ve fitted… on my first day of hunting one. So much time wasted!

My dress was simple. I was right about the sparkly thing. My dress was filled with sequins. Literally just sequins. Guess I had another disco ball costume. It was short though and not a gown. Worst of all, it was backless. And in that moment that I have handed my money to the cash register, I knew I was gonna die on my prom night. Gonna die of shame.

I thought of buying head turning shoes and accessories to drive away the attention of my fellow batch mates to my far from flawless back. Reality: black wedge with black beads. Floral Earrings. No necklace. It sucked. But it was okay. I aim for simplicity… Right? I also bought a concealer for my back. Which I can’t wait to tell you but, I’ve never even used it and I left it on the hotel bathroom of a pissed off mom of a friend of my friend. How unlucky.

Okay so the prom day itself! I went to my friends house. I was staying there to have myself dolled up. My friend said it worked for big time celebrities. And I was so excited!!!! Guess what happened? Utter failure. I asked them to keep my hair down. I think they were bothered with my boring suggestion, so they didn’t squeeze in any creative juices for my hair. Or my makeup. The makeup I had was exactly the same as my pal. What a waste. And I ha no compliments when I was done. Partly because my mom wasn’t there. Mostly because, as I told you, there were no creativity. I was so mad. But of course, a good friend I was, I hid it. But ofcourse I learned a lesson. Never trust a title. And I am no celebrity. They couldn’t transform me. Their makeup wasn’t pretty. The face of the celebrity was pretty.

One of the other embarrassing moments that happened while we had our makeup was when they asked my friend if she had a date. And she said yes and kept bragging how “hot” he was. I knew mine was “hotter” though. So then they asked me if I had a date. And I said no. Then they all had “poor girl” written on their eyes. And how I wanted so much wanted to explain to them that I did have a date. But he couldn’t go. Because of my friend. No space. I gave in. Only to know that there was an extra seat on our table. I was mad. Reaaaallly mad. But I managed to stop it. I was just disappointed that my friend didn’t even bother to tell me the other person couldn’t come. I guess she didn’t think I really had a date. Who would anyway? I looked more of the waitress during our prom.

Anyway, part two to be posted tomorrow. Stay tuned. It gets better.